“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how confident you are, how accomplished you feel. It reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. For some of us, however, it can go up and down. One day you might feel really on top of everything, great about yourself, unafraid to try anything. And the next day, you’re just as likely to feel completely at the bottom, unsure of yourself, afraid to say or do anything.
Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight. And this isn’t necessarily easy. Yet, every single person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?
If your answer is yes, here are some tips to get you started:
1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!
2. Stop the critic inside of you.
Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.
3. Forgive and forget.
Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.
4. Associate with positive, supportive people.
The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.
5. Get involved in work and activities you love.
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.
6. Be true to yourself.
Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.
7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.
Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.
8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.
Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.
9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.
Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.
10. Make a list of your positive qualities.
Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.
11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.
You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you’re also persistent and dependable.
12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.
Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.
13. Ignore yourself.
Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward overthinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!
14. Examine your needs.
Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!
15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”
Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.
16. Start giving more.
You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.
17. Be your own cheerleader.
The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.
18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.
There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.
19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.
Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.
20. Get some exercise.
Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.
21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.
Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
22. Take action!
The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.
Consider these simple tips and try them. These activities will never fail to boost your self-esteem. And as your self-esteem grows, the “real you” emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren’t as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem will bring you peace of mind - and next time you’re all alone, you’ll truly appreciate the person you’re with - YOURSELF.
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February 7, 2007
Great tips.
I started chuckling when i saw this, it was/is the perfect time for you to post these tips, so thanks!
World affairs and the news these days has made me over cynical and over pessimistic. I think i may just have to stop watching or reading news because it is so bad.
February 7, 2007
[...] 22 Ways to Have a Great Morning [...]
February 7, 2007
[...] I just read an article on motivation from the good ol’ Ririan Project, which suggested that remembering past accomplishments can be a great self-esteem/motivation booster. Well, apparently this also works with other people’s accomplishments, simply because it makes the task-at-hand seem more plausible. [...]
February 7, 2007
If you’re a guy, use the power of cognitive dissonance to increase your self-esteem by instituting a daily shaving ritual. It worked for me.
February 8, 2007
I agree with most but definitely don’t agree with No. 3
“Forgive and forget”. That does not seem to go well with “Don’t think Life is fair, because it is not”.
I think “Forgive but do’t forget” is more appropriate, sice then you don’t have to keep forgiving…
February 8, 2007
Thanks for the great post.
No. 6 Be true to yourself.
Is one in the action that will make our lives more meaningful.
To increase self-esteem, YOU SHOLD FOLLOW YOUR PASSION.
Don’t let anyone else live your life for you!
February 8, 2007
[...] 3) Ririan Project - Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem [...]
February 9, 2007
Wow, I didn’t know Eleanor Roosevelt was such a looker!
February 9, 2007
Number 11 has a typo
You can’t develop high se;f-esteem
February 9, 2007
glad I found you
Thanks for an uplifting read. Stay positive.
February 9, 2007
Improve your self-esteem…
When I looked at this article on-line today I thought, wow, there are some really good ideas here for folks struggling with self-esteem issues, which is pretty much every one isn’t it? Let alone survivors! Anyway, here are 22 tips……
February 9, 2007
Self Esteem tips I tripped across…
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February 10, 2007
These tips are really good. I do think, though, that without truly understanding what self-esteem really is, most readers won’t be able to appreciate the wisdom in it.
February 11, 2007
[...] 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem at Ririan Project No, it’s not personal finance. But I believe many poor money choices are actually reflections of poor self-esteem. Regardless, this is an excellent collection of ideas. (tags: happiness health motivation productivity self-improvement lifehacks) [...]
February 11, 2007
Great list! So many of these things work. It’s called cognitive behavioral therapy, and it can really help a person change their self-esteem and outlook for the future.
If you’re reading this for help, stay positive and be future focused. Your life can change. You are a powerful person who can be different. It just take some work. Don’t get discouraged and celebrate your small changes.
February 12, 2007
[...] Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight. And this isn’t necessarily easy. Yet, every single person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem? [...]
February 12, 2007
[...] I didn’t ask permission to post this, but I’m acknowledging that I did NOT write this. I just thought that it was a nice post from another blog.http://ririanproject.com/2007/02/01/wake-up-feeling-great-with-these-22-tips-for-high-self-esteem/ [...]
February 12, 2007
Nice list! I’ve posted it to my daily links on my personal development blog, Zen Habits. I’ve recently written about How I became an early riser and My Morning Routine, and today I wrote about How to jumpstart your day - an Evening Routine.
Hope this helps. Keep up the great work!
February 13, 2007
[...] Publié par mhouri on 12 février 2007 Lors de ma balade quotidienne sur mes blog préférés j’ai été conduit, il y a quelques jours à lire ces magnifiques 22 conseils que vous pouvez vous-même lire dans leur version originale sur le site ririan project. En les faisant partager avec mes amis et collègues je fût vivement prié de les traduire en français et d’en faire une large diffusion. J’ai décidé donc de le faire au rythme du temps qui me sera imparti par mes préoccupations familiales et professionnelles. [...]
February 13, 2007
[...] 22 tips en ririan project cuyo único objetivo, es conseguir sentirnos bien cada día al despertar. Básicamente, son tips para levantar el autoestima, algo que, conforme el mundo se vuelve cada vez más competitivo, toman mayor importancia. [...]
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February 14, 2007
Every tip is so true! This is massive!
Thanks a lot. Such a great blog
February 14, 2007
Great list! Love it!
February 14, 2007
Thank you for your comments guys! I really appreciate it…
February 14, 2007
Excellent post!
I’d like to say to Narendra: - The “forget” part of the saying “forgive and forget” means: to be all that you can be, you must forget THE FEELING the injustice caused you, not the actual event.
And remember: Forgiving does NOT mean one must re-trust.
Forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
February 14, 2007
The Number 1 Way to Raise Your Self Esteem…
Those who’ve talked to me at any length know that I always suggest building confidence. However, when quizzed further, I shrug my shoulders and say “it has to come from within” — within Lifehacker, of course! The Ririan Project has……
February 14, 2007
[...] Varias cosillas: Como habrás observado no es una lista para empezar bien el día, es para subir la autoestima en general. Algo que me he dado cuenta en el punto 21. En cuanto a la lista, es una lista de la que he traducido solamente los títulos. No disponía de más tiempo. Encontrarás sus correspondientes explicaciones aquí. También he añadido y quitado cosas, para hacer que el texto sea más entendible (aunque reconozco que el punto 11 no queda nada claro). [...]
February 14, 2007
[...] This is, of course, a crock of shit. There’s no such thing as a “mental disorder.” Rather, we have linguistic complexes which we format into programs and load into the AI plug&play-([hot]air)port and then these programs create logical flaws (because all language-based bio-programs terminate in logical errors) and then because we have reified these linguistic structures, we believe ourselves to have a “mental disorder” when in actual fact, no such thing exists. Dogs in raincoats. Global Warming instead of appreciating Flowers Blooming. Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem. [...]
February 14, 2007
Boost your self-esteem…
Life-balance blog The Ririan Project offers 22 tips on improving your self-esteem. For example, make a list of your accomplishments: Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off……
February 14, 2007
Thanks for all the tips.I hope it works.
February 14, 2007
thats a very complete list
February 14, 2007
[...] Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem at Ririan Project Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how confident you are, how accomplished you feel. It reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. For some of us, however, it can go up and down. One day you might feel really on top o (tags: lifehacks health productivity motivation tips advice) [...]
February 14, 2007
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February 14, 2007
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February 14, 2007
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February 14, 2007
[...] A good read if you need some morale boost. Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem [...]
February 15, 2007
Self-esteem…
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February 15, 2007
Light links…
Obviously I did more reading than posting yesterday and my day today will be interrupted by a trip to the dentist, so here are some of the lighter links in my notes and I’ll try for an entry later today with some denser subject matter….
February 18, 2007
These are great tips! I definitely need to keep these in mind.
February 18, 2007
Awesome tips! I really think this can make a big difference in one’s happiness in life.
February 19, 2007
[...] Ririan Project: Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem [...]
February 19, 2007
[...] Hoy han salido las notas del examen de Fluidos (he pencado) y he visto caras largas a causa de los resultados (menos de 20 aprobados en toda la clase), por ello hoy pongo 22 trucos para elevar tu autoestima traducidos de Ririan Project. [...]
February 19, 2007
[...] Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem [...]
March 1, 2007
A great post Ririan as usual. Very useful. Viji
March 15, 2007
[...] Ririan Project: 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem. Great list, a must-read for anyone trying to improve themselves. [...]
March 16, 2007
Merely what I need these days. I had this angst a couple of days, worrying too much of my failures, but your tips made me think that I even i do have flaws, i still am able and worthy to be someone. Thanks for the tips! Surely, I will apply all of it. Salamat!
April 13, 2007
Great list! I was expecting the common fluff - what do you like about yourself, etc. Action is required for Self - Esteem, affirmations are only a small portion of it, but many seem to focus on the affirmations only.
I have a slightly different focus on self esteem, anyone interested, have a look at http://www.urbanmonk.net/42/live-consciously-and-powerfully/ it’s one of my most popular posts from the self esteem category.
April 14, 2007
Simple strategies for a Better You!
April 23, 2007
Great Tips list! Love it!
May 8, 2007
[...] 6. Just do it. The future belongs to the risk takers, not the security seekers. Everything you want is out there - you just have to take action, do stuff, to get it. So whether you want to change career, gain a new skill or buy a gorgeous pair of posh shoes, take a step towards achieving it today. With each step - big or small - you’ll grow stronger and more confident. Taking action always, always raises self-esteem and self-belief. Both of these are necessary to be confident. One of the coolest things about confidence is that once you gain it in one part of your life - it has a lovely tendency of boosting it in others. [...]
May 12, 2007
[...] Boost your self esteem! Taken from the ririan project. “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” [...]
July 17, 2007
I think, for geeks especially, you should add “get enough sleep” to this list. I find that sleep deprivation really exacerbates mood problems.
Cheers.
G Milner
July 29, 2007
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July 29, 2007
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August 18, 2007
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October 16, 2007
You need to put on there to do courageous (not stupid, haha!) things like talking to strangers, expressing yourself (like actually dancing in front of people) etc. These always raise self esteem and even though it might be scarey at first, you’ll gain confidence from practicing them.
December 5, 2007
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December 5, 2007
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January 10, 2008
Great Tips! Thanks a lot!
February 1, 2008
Thanks for sharing
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[...] A while ago, the Ririan Project posed an article on 22 tips for high self esteem. It’s a pretty good read and is generally free of feel-good hokum. Most of it is stuff that seems to come naturally to those lucky people who have “natural” high self esteem, but the rest of us could use a few tips. [...]
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Great post! I think a huge thing to do is to just spend time with YOU and get acquainted with yourself. Learn to love yourself. It took me a while to love ME. It took me a while to love the flaws that I have and the uniqueness that I have. Have pride in what makes you different or in what makes you YOU. Get rid of the negative reactions and learn to love yourself…
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