“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”
- Mary Engelbreit
You know this guy. He’s looking back at YOU in the mirror. He’s got the talent, the looks, the hair — but he’s not going anywhere. He seems to streak past others and then, wham! Unexpectedly he’s flat on his back watching all the tortoises cross the finish line ahead of him.
No, he’s not stupid. Nor is he incompetent, foolish, weak on strategy, or lamer than your average Joe. He’s suffering from a malady that afflicts just about all of us at one point or another: He’s tripping over himself. He’s throwing up obstacles where none previously existed. He is, in short, his own worst enemy.
In the following article I’m going to tell you about eight bombs you can blow yourself up with. And if you pay attention, you may be fortunate enough not to stab yourself in the eyes. So pay attention!
Roadblock #1: Wishful Thinking
“Wishful thinking is a habit of mankind to entrust to careless hope what they long for, and to use sovereign reason to thrust aside what they do not desire.”
- Robert B. Strassler
Far too many individuals spend far too much time wishing when they should be dreaming. But what’s the difference between wishing and dreaming?
Wishing is passive. You wish for things over which you have little or no control. You wish you were taller or thinner. You wish the waitress would hurry up. You wish your boss wasn’t so [you fill in the blank]. The other thing about wishes is that they are often tinged with regrets about past decisions, both big and small. You wish you’d ordered the fish instead of the chicken. You wish you’d taken the other job. You wish you hadn’t let the love of your life get away.
Dreaming is different. For one, a dream is active. Unlike wishes, you can actually do something about a dream. After all, you don’t “wish up” a plan, you dream one up. You may not get everything you dream of getting, but two things are certain:
It doesn’t take a single extra ounce of energy to dream big than it does to settle. You’ve got a lot more to gain by shooting high than by shooting low.
Roadblock #2: Procrastination
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”
- Don Marquis
Please don’t get me wrong: I’m a skilled procrastinator myself. But you need to be smart and tightly wrapped to make it a way of life.
Begin by ascertaining accurately what “the last minute” is for a given project. A big project will generate many tasks that can, of course, be done the night before, but there are even more that can’t. Learn to identify each type.
The great procrastinators indulge in a pre-crastinatory phase that involves the full range of thumb-twiddling, foot-tapping, and snoozing while they determine when is the right time to put the pedal to the metal. They then enjoy the procrastinatory activity, which often includes late-stage work on other projects. In this way, they are mixing procrastination with multitasking — very 21st century. They treat themselves, after the successful event, to a period of post-crastination, in which they ponder how to put off things more effectively in the future.
But for most individuals, procrastination is dynamite. Don’t fool around with it until you’ve achieved a certain level of proficiency.
Roadblock #3: Hardness of Listening
“Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.”
- Frank Tyger
You have to be a really big wheel to enjoy a total lack of obligation to pay attention to other people. Many work years, or even decades to earn that right.
The other day my sister told me a story about one of her colleagues. He had just come from another company. About a week after he arrived, he was included in a meeting about where the corporation was headed. When it was his turn, he spoke for twenty minutes. “Blah blah blah,” he said, as the chairman grew visibly restive. Finally, he was done. Then he lolled in his chair, thumbed his BlackBerry, pondered the view out the window, poured coffee from the sideboard, and gave other signs of terminal not-listening. Everybody hated him so much afterward that he was never invited to a meaningless meeting again.
A lot of planes have gone down because the pilot was hewing precisely to the wrong flight plan. Listen. Take it in. There’s actually information out there that you’re going to need.
Roadblock #4: Other People’s Opinion
“As the saying is, So many heades, so many wittes.”
- Elizabeth I
Other people’s fear, skepticism, and negativity can be as contagious as the flu. And unless you’ve built up your immune system, these dream stompers can knock you for a loop — especially when they are right in your own family.
You’ve probably already thought about the people you can count on to support your plan to create a more meaningful life/work. But have you also taken stock of those you should make a point NOT to turn to?
You have two choices. You can either continue to turn to these nay-sayers in hopes that they’ll respond differently — or, you can choose the saner path of acceptance.
Don’t look for support from people whose life experiences have not prepared them to give it fully. Instead, take advantage of the support that really is available.
Roadblock #5: Loose Fact-itis
“Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.”
- Demosthenes
This syndrome involves cooking up a “fact” to strengthen one’s position during an important meeting — a “fact” that can easily be disproved by saner and more mature minds, leaving the individual who generated it up the creek without a BlackBerry.
Imagine this situation: You’re sitting in a meeting with about ten other colleagues, and the boss asks, “What are we going to say to security analysts about our plange rate?” (I’m making up the issue here, since there is no such thing as a plange rate, but you get the idea.) So anyway, George, who is in charge of planges for this company, says something like, “We have the biggest plange rate in the world!” And the chairman says, “Can I use that stat?” and George says, “Yes, well …” and begins poring over a spreadsheet — after which he admits that we had the biggest plange rate in the world for about ten minutes last January. A bad moment for George. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.
Roadblock #6: Winds of Change
“It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.”
- W. Edwards Deming
Anyone who has ever ventured out of their safe little world will tell you they had doubts. But when it comes to making a major life change, not only is a certain amount of fear perfectly normal, it’s actually helpful. For example, it’s our healthy fears that keep us from jumping off cliffs. And the great thing about fear is that there are ways to get around it.
The trick is to turn your fears into a ridiculous event in your mind. That way, you allow your natural human reaction to absurdity to take over and dismiss them.
Another way to manage the fear of venturing out on your own is to start small. If the thought of just up and quitting your day job frightens you, start building your client base on the side. Begin with low-risk steps and gradually work your way up to the harder stuff.
Remember, courage is not a matter of losing your fear so you can take action; courage comes from taking action. And that, in turn, helps you overcome your fear. When you can act despite your fears, you will be rewarded many times over.
Roadblock #7: Bad Credit/Blame Management
“We always take credit for the good and attribute the bad to fortune.”
- Jean De La Fontaine
This is a tough one. A lot of people trip over this issue. Naturally, you want credit for the good things you do. This means working in such a way that (a) you are recognized as the author of the good thing in question, and (b) others are happy to give you the credit. Satisfying both criteria is not always easy. And you never want to be seen as a man who hogs other people’s credit. As a rule of thumb, attempt to receive no more than 70 percent of the credit that’s due you. Give away the rest.
Then there’s the issue of blame. Real players never dodge it when it belongs to them. There’s nothing a senior guy hates more than a craven, cowardly weasel who tries to lay blame on other people.
How you manage credit and blame is directly influenced by your relationship with your senior guy. If he wants the credit, give it to him. That’s what you’re there for. And if he’s trying to escape blame, take it. The guy who decides your upcoming raise is the only one who needs to be satisfied in either regard.
Of course, if a peer tries to suck off your credit for something, cut off his legs. We’re talking strategic management of this issue, not surrender.
Roadblock #8: Rampant Distemper
“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.”
- Chuck Norris
Laura — my first boss — was a person who was fine before lunch but really crabby afterward. She had this grumpy expression on her face. Everybody in the office, including the chairman, was afraid of her. When she spoke, they would defer to her, because her ideas were very good and very strongly presented.
It wasn’t the quality of her work that eventually got her canned. It was the fact that she was what we may define, technically, as a Big Bummer. It was impossible to have a free-flowing discussion around her because she would bite your nuts off.
I’m sure you have a lot to be angry about. But if you radiate bad vibes, those who wear the stripes are going to feel them and pinpoint the source. That’s not smart. Lighten up. Or at least be strategic and keep your karmic bleakness to yourself.
Sure, you can expect a few bumps along the road to success. But by far, the biggest roadblocks are between your own two ears.
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Bruno
November 18, 2007
Great post. Biggest roadblock for me in the past has been ‘Other People’s Opinion’. The negativity, the put-downs, the skepticism – I’ve been on the receiving end of it. Do what I did – dump those so-called friends, helpers, supporters.
Surround yourself with positive and supportive people – they can make a huge difference to your confidence and energy.
Andrew
November 19, 2007
I would say that #2 procrastination is a huge one. I would also add not enough time excuses (which everyone has if they want it, they just need to reprioritize) and fear (which is a huge problem for a lot of people in relationship to money)
November 19, 2007
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November 19, 2007
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