As children, we are constantly told to “be ourselves”. Adults claim that we are unique and that the only one who can ever be us is us. For a time, we buy into it. Then we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of Junior High School. That’s the point in life where being ourselves isn’t good enough. We have to start being like other people. We look to role models, some of them our peers who, unbeknownst to us are desperately seeking for their own sense of identity. We forget how to be ourselves, and we learn quickly which secrets to tell and which secrets to keep.

By the time we are in our mid 20’s we are usually happy in our lives or else terribly miserable and usually that is based on the secrets we have chosen to keep. For up to ten years we wrestle constantly with the choice to tell our secrets or not to tell them. We find ways to indulge our private paradoxes; those things we enjoy despite being told we should not. All the while, we fear being caught and yet wish to live free. The funny thing about it is that we think we are alone. There is a reason that so few claim to love Barry Mannilow, but so many of us know every word to all of his songs. This is the time of life that the majority of gays and lesbians “come out of the closet”, and why so many others, unwilling to confess to being themselves find themselves in despondency, often to the point of suicide. All of this pain and sadness can be avoided, but first we need to find the value in choosing to be our complete and honest selves.

The primary reason that we need to simply be ourselves is that when we are anybody but ourselves, we can never truly know that anyone loves us. They love a put on version of us that isn’t truly the totality of who we are. To be anyone other than who we are with the people we love is not only fraudulent, but bases their love for us on a false premise. Depending on the secrets involved, some of the people we love might love us differently or not at all. This is of course, why we are so afraid of honesty, but it’s also why we must be honest. The fact is that if someone we know might not love us if they knew, then they already don’t love us truly. They simply don’t know it yet. You owe it to them, and to yourself, to force them to make a choice regarding their love for you and how they will manifest those feelings.

Secondarily, we need to be ourselves because the consequences of faking our way through life, lying about who we are leaves us short tempered, prone to depression, and overall unhappy. Unhappy people have unhappy lives. Choose happiness. Those who choose honesty find themselves happy. It’s amazing how often a gay, lesbian, or transsexual person will claim happiness that fell on them in waves the moment they chose to be honest and to act as their genuine selves.

The tertiary reason for being ourselves at the risk of personal expense is that when we present ourselves as flawless, others feel the need to appear flawless as well. When you are honest and forthright about who you are, you open the door for others to be honest with you. You offer those whom you love the liberty to reveal their secrets, to find happiness themselves, and that is a tremendous gift. You might lose some relationships as the result of your honesty, but you will likely find richness in your relationships like never before. Happy relationships make for happy people.

May you find your true happiness, true love, and truly open and honest relationships.

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