Archive for September, 2009

Can you believe that too much success can be a bad thing? What if someone just succeeds all the time at everything they do without ever knowing one single failure? Then, one day when failure finally strikes, what will they do? How will they manage? Now imagine someone else who has known constant failures and setbacks throughout his life – constant rejections, bankruptcies and upheavals. Imagine this person coping with one more little failure. That’s right, person one, is a gibbering nervous wreck, unable to face the world. This one gigantic failure has completely bowed them and they do not know how to cope or what to do. While our constantly failing person two is just sitting and waiting for it to be over; just one more failure in his long list. Oh well, get up, move on.

A few failures in life happen to everyone. No matter what your scale of measurement or emotional pain threshold is, you will find something to test you and see if you are strong enough. Just like a plant that grows stronger after being pruned hard, a person who lives through several failures, or even just one big one is stronger and more able to cope with anything that life throws at him.

It is for this very reason that failure must not be feared. There is no point! If you do not succeed, it does not make you a failure, it just means that what you did at that point in your life did not work. Stop doing that and try something else.

The problem with failure is that it has so many emotions wrapped up in it that it becomes memorable. For some people, if they think back on their lives, all they can remember are just a string of dramatic failures one after the other, connected with a delicate, tentative life-thread. It is as if these people can not remember anything good or successful ever happening in their lives. And yet there must have been something – something in their youth, or childhood that did lead them to also have positive experiences.

And, if you examine the lives of highly successful people whom you admire and look up to, they will all have a gigantic flop at some point in their lives. Very few people hit the ground running. It is sometimes very helpful to read people’s biographies to see how they have made it to where they are. Very rarely do you find people who have just gone up and up. If there is someone like that, it is because they have inherited a family business or been given a leg up from the start.

In order to succeed from your failures you must stop associating negative emotions with them. A little bit of sadness and regret is absolutely normal, but after that, forget the emotion and move on completely. The only thing to take away from a failure is to learn how it happened and to make sure it won’t happen again. Remember the old saying: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

There were several self help texts and books around many years ago, but these were hidden deep within obscure libraries and unless you had already heard of the author, you really had no chance of finding them on your own.

Nowadays, there is the internet with its millions of websites, discussion forums and mailing lists that with literally one click of a search engine, you can have millions of websites brought before your eyes without you even having to leave your chair. You can find information about the psychology of self help, about the process of self help. You can see stories of individuals who have achieved success through self help techniques and guides – anything you want is there for you to see. So, let me ask you, my friend, what is stopping you from achieving the success you want?

There are some people in life who succeed no matter how many obstacles and hindrances they have in their way. Their house can burn down, they will get another one. Their business may collapse and they can go completely bankrupt, they will get up and start another business. They can lose a leg, they will sign up to run a marathon.

Then there are some people who will fail no matter how many wonderful opportunities they have. The goose that lays the golden eggs could land in their lap and they would cook it and eat it. Why is this? There are many reasons to do with motivation and the ability to spot opportunities and seize them when they come. But another reason is that people who fail have BAD habits. They do not put themselves in the way of success because they have bad habits ingrained into everything that they do.

If you come home every evening and slump in front of the television with a drink instead of doing something energetic like going for a run, or going out to meet friends, then what will you gain? It is very likely that you will not gain much except weight. An important point to note is that those happy, successful people you see on television spend hardly any time sitting watching TV themselves!

If you create an atmosphere of success around you then chances are high that you will attract more success to you. This can be achieved by adopting successful habits and ditching all those bad habits completely. Make a habit of looking after your appearance. If you look like a successful person, then you will feel like one and you will BE one!

Make a habit of doing things which are aimed at success. Learn more about your field by reading for half an hour everyday rather than watching TV. Those little tips you pick up by reading about your subject or reading trade journals could really help you when you least expect it.

Think about your life and how you can stop those bad habits which waste your time and achieve nothing and try to introduce one or two good habits into your life. Read more, or walk more. Take up a hobby which will keep you interested and interesting to others around you. You never know, it could just be the path to success that you are looking for.

Busting Stress through Breathing Techniques and MeditationThe problem of stress has been around for as long as humanity’s existence and has been the culprit to most health issues – both minor and fatal. Incidentally, one very effective way to combat stress has always been around and handy, and this comes in the form of breathing.

Breathing techniques help calm both mind and body providing for total peace and relaxation, and these techniques make up the core of the stress-busting system we all know as meditation. Devoid of any religious or spiritual bias, meditation gets rid of both stress and fits of anxiety in a most natural manner and results in a perfectly balanced state of mind, body and spirit.

The initial step in going through the process of meditation is to make sure you get yourself a quiet place that is free from distractions. Next among your concerns will have to do with how you position yourself when meditating. Most practitioners have gotten used to the lotus position where you have your legs crossed while seated, with back straightened and shoulders even. If this works for you, then by all means use it.

Any alternative positions would be fine for as long as you keep your spine straight for the entire duration of your meditation. This way, internal circulation is made possible and deep and slow breathing comes easier. Relaxation is encouraged as a result.

As for getting to a relaxed state, you may tweak both your breathing and flow of thoughts to achieve this. For instance, while eyes closed you may focus on parts of your body one at a time, relaxing them until they feel totally limp before proceeding to the next body part. This method works even better when accompanied with slow, effortless deep breathing, at counts of four when you inhale and counts of eight when exhaling. Sticking to this rhythm helps facilitate getting to a relaxed, meditative state.

What’s good about meditation is that there’s no such thing as overdoing it. Because you wouldn’t need any gear, equipment or medicine for it, you can always meditate as often as you need or wish to. You can start handling your stress while not having to worry about side effects and similar things you could otherwise get when you pop pills. Stress and anxiety are usually gone with just 60 seconds of meditation, although going through it for about half an hour should be most beneficial.

Meditation as a potent and natural form of stress relief has been thoroughly studied and much have been documented about its effectiveness. It is not uncommon to hear of all those harmful biochemical byproducts of stress hitting low levels, if not altogether vanishing, through meditation. With brain waves getting fine-tuned to optimally relaxed levels, both heart rate and blood pressure are reduced and stabilized. No artificial stress-busting medication anywhere can produce positive results like meditation does without causing long-standing damage to the body.

Given all the favorable research results and testimonials on both breathing techniques and meditation, it is not surprising to hear of more and more people employing these methods to make their daily lives always relaxed and stress-free.

Under no circumstances must you be permanently glad in the mode of Pollyanna who was a dim wit. Permanent gladness is unnatural and foolhardy. Permanently glad people who are always looking on the bright side will not only one day be arrested, they will be caught off guard by people knifing them in the back and by the small print in loan documents.

Look on the bright side by all means, but look even longer and harder at the seamy side. There is positively no one to blame but yourself if schemes and dreams collapse owing to your own failure to take everything into account, I draw your attention to a troubling incident from my own life.

An incident from my own life
My first novel was about a girl who grew a penis and I wrote it during my third pregnancy. I don’t know why. Linda, a few blocks down the road with the daughter your age who moved to America, typed it up for me and she liked it. I didn’t know what to make of it. I was pregnant. But my agent at the time adored it. She said it was a work of genius and the find of her career. Maybe she was pregnant too.

The agent was so confident that she came round one evening to talk to your father and me about how we would deal with the success she was certain would hit us like a whirlwind. I couldn’t think of a title but she said it didn’t matter. It had everything going for it and she was going to auction it. So your father and I sat back and waited to be covered in glory.

She sent the book out to selected publishers and the selected publishers, appalled at her shamelessness, sent it back. It was a total wash-out. I immediately leaked rhesus negative blood into the baby’s rhesus positive blood and thought I’d never write again. But the baby survived and so did I.

What I learnt was correct thinking for dreams and schemes. Hope for everything but expect nothing. It is a balanced outlook that goes hand in hand with a sense of proportion.

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