October17
By: RirianProject
I learned a valuable lesson from the life of a friend of mine, this story takes place about twelve years ago but I use his life as an example to me every day. At the time, he was in his early thirties, married, and extremely successful, at least by most people’s standards. But he wasn’t just married, he was married to an incredibly beautiful woman, an attorney who was top of her class at one of the country’s most prestigious law schools, she was brilliant. And it wasn’t that he was just successful, he was in a high profile business, dealing with celebrities and captains of industry, the people you read about in People magazine. He bought a big house, two Mercedes, and traveled the world. He was the envy of most everyone he knew, had set out with goals when he left college and for all intensive purposes met every single one of them by the time he was thirty three years old. And despite all he had achieved, he was an extremely unhappy person, the more this couple had the more they wanted, the more he made the more his wife spent to “keep up with the Jones’.” He felt on a daily basis that he was, for lack of a better term, emotionally out of breath, he was constantly chasing and never catching. It would be easy at this point to take you right to a cliffhanger, to say this person couldn’t take it anymore, that there is a tragic end, that he abused alcohol or drugs, that he hit rock bottom and turned his life around. But he was really no different than most people, and most people who are unhappy with their lot in life don’t commit suicide, and they don’t abuse alcohol or drugs, most people just continue on the path they are on, never make changes and remain unhappy.
One day my friend decided he didn’t want to be unhappy anymore. He didn’t just walk out on his business, but he knew he didn’t want to be in that business anymore, the pressure was to great, the stress was no longer worth it, so over the next two years he closed it down in an orderly fashion. He knew he was unhappy in his marriage but he just didn’t walk out. He talked to his wife about what didn’t work for him, she didn’t understand how he no longer liked their life, they tried therapy, and although he probably knew it was over from the beginning, he tried until he couldn’t try anymore.
At age thirty five he had given up life as he knew it, his work, his marriage, and set off on a new path, but this isn’t a fairytale. He was not instantly happy, he had spent thirteen years working and achieving everything he hoped for, achieved it all and was miserable, now he faced the hard part, he had to figure out why? Why he was so unhappy. Why his dream job and fairytale marriage did not make him a happy person. And how to move forward with his life.
It took years, but ten years later, he was remarried, still successful in an entirely new business and happy. It took him years to figure out what went wrong and how to try and put his life on the right path.He learned that his mistakes were the same that most people make, chasing things that don’t matter, going after material objects, being concerned what others think of you. He learned material objects are great, success is wonderful and an admirable goal, the respect and admiration and even envy of your peers is a wonderful thing to have, but if it defines who you are, if it is your life’s sole ambition, then unhappiness is sure to follow. Life is a constant journey of understanding who you are and what you need, and it constantly changes. If you are unhappy in your life or simply content, strive for more. Not all change needs to be radical like my friends, most often it is just simple adjustments in life, focusing on the things that are most important like family health, and knowing you are the best person you can be. Its about trying to live as stress free life as possible, and that the things are most important come from the inside.
Posted in: Productivity
Tags: abuse alcohol, Business, daily basis, day, ears, family, Focus, friend, Goals, happiness, Health, intensive purposes, Jones, Life, marria, marriage, orderly fashion, path, people magazine, person, prestigious law schools, rock bottom, Stress, therapy, unhappy person
The problem of stress has been around for as long as humanity’s existence and has been the culprit to most health issues – both minor and fatal. Incidentally, one very effective way to combat stress has always been around and handy, and this comes in the form of breathing.
Breathing techniques help calm both mind and body providing for total peace and relaxation, and these techniques make up the core of the stress-busting system we all know as meditation. Devoid of any religious or spiritual bias, meditation gets rid of both stress and fits of anxiety in a most natural manner and results in a perfectly balanced state of mind, body and spirit.
The initial step in going through the process of meditation is to make sure you get yourself a quiet place that is free from distractions. Next among your concerns will have to do with how you position yourself when meditating. Most practitioners have gotten used to the lotus position where you have your legs crossed while seated, with back straightened and shoulders even. If this works for you, then by all means use it.
Any alternative positions would be fine for as long as you keep your spine straight for the entire duration of your meditation. This way, internal circulation is made possible and deep and slow breathing comes easier. Relaxation is encouraged as a result.
As for getting to a relaxed state, you may tweak both your breathing and flow of thoughts to achieve this. For instance, while eyes closed you may focus on parts of your body one at a time, relaxing them until they feel totally limp before proceeding to the next body part. This method works even better when accompanied with slow, effortless deep breathing, at counts of four when you inhale and counts of eight when exhaling. Sticking to this rhythm helps facilitate getting to a relaxed, meditative state.
What’s good about meditation is that there’s no such thing as overdoing it. Because you wouldn’t need any gear, equipment or medicine for it, you can always meditate as often as you need or wish to. You can start handling your stress while not having to worry about side effects and similar things you could otherwise get when you pop pills. Stress and anxiety are usually gone with just 60 seconds of meditation, although going through it for about half an hour should be most beneficial.
Meditation as a potent and natural form of stress relief has been thoroughly studied and much have been documented about its effectiveness. It is not uncommon to hear of all those harmful biochemical byproducts of stress hitting low levels, if not altogether vanishing, through meditation. With brain waves getting fine-tuned to optimally relaxed levels, both heart rate and blood pressure are reduced and stabilized. No artificial stress-busting medication anywhere can produce positive results like meditation does without causing long-standing damage to the body.
Given all the favorable research results and testimonials on both breathing techniques and meditation, it is not surprising to hear of more and more people employing these methods to make their daily lives always relaxed and stress-free.
Posted in: Self Improvement
Tags: anxiety, body, Breathing, breathing techniques, deep breathing, Focus, form, Health, initial step, internal circulation, lotus position, meditation, meditative state, mind body and spirit, natural manner, slow breathing, state, Stress, stress relief, way
March11
By: RirianProject
Although this is far from breaking news, it is a new tactic I’ve started to implement in my own life: GTD: Getting Things Done. GTD is a work-life management system by David Allen that helps people who are overwhelmed in any part of their life to produce and implement a system that will help them achieve “stress-free productivity”.
The book of the same name walks you through, step-by-step how to implement a simple system that anyone can use. Although it is a common sense approach, David’s system is literally revolutionizing my world!
When you implement GTD, you will immediately start to lose the feeling of being overwhelmed and it will be replaced by a feeling of self confidence and progress. What I really loved about the system is that it is rigid, but not confining. There truly is no right or wrong way of utilizing this system. The only “right way” to implementing GTD is by getting meaningful or important things done with the least amount of energy, time or attention.
One of the main, and easiest to remember, principles of GTD is the simple yet powerful rule: If it takes less than 2 minutes – do it now. Everything else is placed into one of the buckets that you will implement when designing your system. It’s amazing how much impact that one little rule of thumb has on your life. Try it out for a week, and see what I mean.
There are a few things you’re going to learn about when you start reading GTD and implementing into your life and business, but we’re going to start with the first one, and that is the workflow process which is broken down into five tasks: Collect, process, organize, review, and do.
Collecting is simply a method in which you can take everything that needs to be done and capturing it into your “inbox”. Your inbox can be anything you want (here’s where the flexibility of the program comes in). It can be a physical inbox on your desk, an email folder, piece of paper, PDA, etc. As long as it’s something you will regularly use, you can use it for your bucket.
Processing your bucket is a more rigid concept in that you must start at the top of your bucket and work your way down. You can only deal with one thing at a time, and you can never put something back into the bucket once it’s been removed. When you take the item out of the bucket, you’ll need to decide if you want to do it (only if it takes 2 minutes or less), delegate it to someone else, or defer it to another time. If the item doesn’t need an action, you need to do one of three things: File it away as a reference item, throw it away in the trash, or “incubate” it in a someday file.
David talks about the organizing process by suggesting the following lists: Next Actions (literally the single next step to deal with the item), projects (for anything that needs more than one step), waiting (for when you have delegated something to someone else, and someday for things that do need to get done at some point in time. You’ll also rely heavily on your calendar for what David describes as developing the “hard landscape” of your day.
Reviewing should be done on a daily basis if possible. This will allow you to rely on the system you have created rather than trying to remember each item inside your head.
And finally: do! The system just won’t work if you never actually do any of the points mentioned here.
If you haven’t picked up the book yet, you really should get down to your bookstore and pick it up. You won’t be disappointed!
Posted in: Featured, Productivity, Self Improvement
Tags: David Allen, Getting things done, GTD, Organization
January26
By: RirianProject
Everywhere you go, you see more and more people that suffer from stress and stress related issues. One of the reasons we are under so much stress, is because we have forgotten how to say no. Let’s face it – it is a lot easier to say yes to someone and then try to figure out how to get it all done – than it is to say no and have all those guilty feelings inside. But piling things onto your plate could be one of the top reasons you are under so much stress.
Saying no, especially in socially delicate situations, can be an art form – something you can learn. First of all, I want you to repeat after me:
“Saying no is not selfish”.
If you still have trouble converting your thoughts, try thinking about it in a different way. Being the people pleaser that you are, if you are already overstressed, stretched thin, and burning the candle at both ends, will you really be able to put all of yourself into the project? Try offering a helping hand by offering the name of someone who may have more free time to put into the project than you.
Sometimes you may need to say no to the cute little boy who is standing on your doorstep selling candy to fund a sports team, or it could be someone who is collecting for a worthy charity. Either way, if it is not something that you can do, you should be sure to let them down gently. Do not create a lie (no matter how white it is) to get out of the obligation. Lies are difficult to keep track of, almost always come to light, and are just generally not a good idea to do anyway.
So what is the best method to determine when you should be saying no to a request that has been made of you? Sometimes it is tough to know what needs your time and attention.
The first thing to always keep in mind is YOU! If you have your priorities in check, it should be (relatively) easy to determine if and when you should say no. Remember the time you will need to commit to projects and activities you need and love to do – including your time with family and friends.
Being a list lover myself, I prefer the ole pros and cons list of the request. It has not failed me yet – and there is just something very relaxing about seeing the words there in black and white in front of you.
If you still can not come to a decision, sleep on it. Stepping back from a situation always puts things in perspective – and you may feel completely different about the request the following day.
Be sure to follow up with a comment about how you feel about this article. How do you dump the guilt of saying no to things? What works best for you?
Photo Credit
Posted in: Featured, Self Improvement
Tags: how to say no, letting go of guilt, Self Improvement
January10
By: RirianProject
You eat right, you exercise regularly, and you see your doctor every year, but how many people actually give their brains a work out? The brain is like any other muscle and will become stronger as you use it. There are two things that can really put a drain on the power of your brain: stress and routine.
Experts are beginning to suspect that your brain will actually start to slow down in your mid thirties. The good news is that there are things you can do to help keep your brain to continue to learn and grow strong.
There was a study done with two groups of 30 healthy adults. Every day, for five minutes a day, one group imagined using the tiny muscles in their pinky fingers while the control group did no imaginary exercises. At the end of the study, the group who did the imaginary exercises showed a 35% increase in the muscle of their pinky fingers than the control group! Brain scans also showed that there was more activity in the prefrontal cortex.
Here are a few easy exercises you can do almost anywhere.
Try to create a song. It can be about something your thinking about, a problem you are facing or even the person in the next car. This exercise will actually use your right side of the brain and will help you to become a better problem solver. You will be amazed at how easy it is to rhyme while you are singing. The reason is because your right side of the brain is much more adept at pattern recognition.
The next time you are performing an activity – writing, using your computer mouse, or even brushing your teeth – trying using the opposite hand you normally would use. Your brain will actually begin to learn a new skill as you muddle your way through the task.
The next time you have some free time, Google “brain exercises” to find a host of different online activities you can perform to help increase your brain power. Games include math problems, reflex timing, logic problems, and other similar games that require you to think outside the box.
Try to perform everyday activities with your eyes closed like getting dressed or washing your hair. You could also try eating a meal with someone and communicate only by nonverbal means. Combining activities that require you to utilize two senses are also great ways to exercise your neurons. Try listening to music and smelling the flowers in your garden.
Remember: reduce your stress and change your routine to keep those neurons firing!
Posted in: Featured, Health & Fitness, Self Improvement
Tags: boost your brain, brain exercises, brain power, mental agility
