Everywhere you go, you see more and more people that suffer from stress and stress related issues. One of the reasons we are under so much stress, is because we have forgotten how to say no. Let’s face it – it is a lot easier to say yes to someone and then try to figure out how to get it all done – than it is to say no and have all those guilty feelings inside. But piling things onto your plate could be one of the top reasons you are under so much stress.
Saying no, especially in socially delicate situations, can be an art form – something you can learn. First of all, I want you to repeat after me:
“Saying no is not selfish”.
If you still have trouble converting your thoughts, try thinking about it in a different way. Being the people pleaser that you are, if you are already overstressed, stretched thin, and burning the candle at both ends, will you really be able to put all of yourself into the project? Try offering a helping hand by offering the name of someone who may have more free time to put into the project than you.
Sometimes you may need to say no to the cute little boy who is standing on your doorstep selling candy to fund a sports team, or it could be someone who is collecting for a worthy charity. Either way, if it is not something that you can do, you should be sure to let them down gently. Do not create a lie (no matter how white it is) to get out of the obligation. Lies are difficult to keep track of, almost always come to light, and are just generally not a good idea to do anyway.
So what is the best method to determine when you should be saying no to a request that has been made of you? Sometimes it is tough to know what needs your time and attention.
The first thing to always keep in mind is YOU! If you have your priorities in check, it should be (relatively) easy to determine if and when you should say no. Remember the time you will need to commit to projects and activities you need and love to do – including your time with family and friends.
Being a list lover myself, I prefer the ole pros and cons list of the request. It has not failed me yet – and there is just something very relaxing about seeing the words there in black and white in front of you.
If you still can not come to a decision, sleep on it. Stepping back from a situation always puts things in perspective – and you may feel completely different about the request the following day.
Be sure to follow up with a comment about how you feel about this article. How do you dump the guilt of saying no to things? What works best for you?
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