The saying goes “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. In the short term, the plans give a pleasant feeling – “everything okay”. Later it may appear that only sweet little keeper who procrastinate conceal. If the list never implemented plans ruin your mood and your confidence.
Who still wants to change his life this year, here are some tips to increase the
Several of us had been discussing problems that people have with their personal lives. It seemed to us that once a person reaches a certain age it is almost impossible to change his behavior.
What chances does a person have for changing his life? Or are there any chances? Maybe it’s impossible.
CHANGE: A LONG-TERM PROJECT
A man comes to be what he is at any moment or point in his individual history through a long period of time. What a man is today took a long time to form him. A decision made to change one’s behavior is a decision to a project which will take a long time. It is foolish and unrealistic to give false hope to anyone that behavioral change can be effected instantly, or without much difficulty, or within a short space of time.
Man has a tendency to look for easy and simplistic solutions to human problems. They might very well work in the area of the physical, but not in the area of emotional disturbances. A wife who has a drunkard for a husband hopes that a retreat or a talk with a priest will work the miracle. A mother or father of a high-school boy who is lazy, hostile and destructive hopes that a talk with the principal, or the priest, or a guidance counselor will solve the problem. But it cannot be solved that quickly and that easily. There’s no particular magic to exhortations, or talks, or instructions, or sermons, or “advices.” All they can bring is shame, regret, sorrow, willingness to undertake change and amends, but they cannot bring about a change, they cannot effect a change, and they cannot make a change.
One psychologist said that no amount of talking to a person will help him to change. You cannot talk a person into changing, like you can talk a person into buying some merchandise through slick sales-talk. If talk could change, then it would appear that another person could change the person seeking a more satisfying way of life. But no one can do this for a human being. Change must be his work. The condition, however, under which such work can be undertaken, is a relationship that will provide a climate and an atmosphere in which he can do so. As one expert put it : it has to be a relationship “which this person may use for his own personal growth.”
BEHIND THE SYMPTOMS: THE PROBLEMS
Just as pain is not the person’s real physical problem, but that which causes the pain, so also with psychological symptoms. Beneath them lies the problem. And this is true of any area of human life: in disordered drinking, in disordered gambling, in disordered eating or smoking, and even in disordered sex.
When people speak of “change” in a person’s behavior, they usually have in mind the outward conduct, external behavior. Thus, a mother desires a son’s drinking to be stopped. A wife desires a husband’s love-affair to terminate. A father desires a son’s hostile and destructive behavior to cease.
In all these instances, the more important question, however, is the question: What is it that is, causing such behavior? Real change can take place only when the source, the cause, and the fountain from which springs destructive behavior can he be cured and healed.
EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: DEEP-SEATED
But the source of human behavior is deep-seated. In any individual’s life it has a long history. For this reason it defies instant change.
What would these emotional problems be? Behind the destructive and self-damaging behavior, behind the erratic conduct lie such problems as: A sense of inferiority, of failure, of self-hatred, of inadequacy, of insecurity, of blurred identity, of personal ego-anxiety, of fear and shame.
All of these have their roots in each individual’s childhood. It is this that makes a man such a mystery. He is apparently free to behave in a way he chooses, and yet so often he is paralyzed, helpless. He wills to act in one way, but he ends up doing what he resolved not to do.
All that has happened to the human being is never forgotten. It is stored. It forms layers, in the human personality. It seethes inside, like a volcano.
It is quite easy to understand why change is not a matter of one day, or one week, or a month, or even a year. When one takes on the project of change, one takes on a tremendous task, for he is wrestling with a giant.
We all know that smoking is bad. We all know that inhaling second hand smoke is bad. But are we really sure that we are on board with third hand smoke being harmful as well?
For those of you who have not heard much about this yet, third hand smoke is the smoke that lingers long after the cigarette has been finished. It could be on the person who smoked, in the fabric of a car, in the carpet and furniture in the room, or even clinging to the dust in a particular room. The experts claim that infants and toddlers are much more susceptible to the dangers of third hand smoke because their little lungs are still developing and also because they are much more apt to be crawling around and putting things that are contaminated with the lingering toxins in their mouth. They also say that among the substances in third hand smoke are hydrogen cyanide (this is used in chemical weapons); butane; toluene (found in paint thinners); arsenic; lead; carbon monoxide; and polonium-210 (a radioactive carcinogen). 11 of the compounds found are highly carcinogenic.
There are some suggestions on how to reduce the amount of third hand smoke that you expose to your family. Always smoke outdoors away from your children, wear a smoking jacket, and wash your hands as soon as you are finished your cigarette.
Despite all the research and concerns of this new threat, researchers have concluded that they are not aware of the amount of risk involved with third hand smoke would likely cause.
So it all boils down to whether or not you are ready to believe the preliminary research. I do not doubt that smoke, in any shape or form, is bad for anyone; but I have to wonder how far we will go when it comes to the government stepping in to keep us safe. Just recently, there have been smoking bans in different cities: you can no longer smoke in cars carrying passengers who are under 16. Will they also take away the ability to smoke in your home if you have children?
Now let me say – I grew up in a house where both parents smoked. My mother not only smoked through her entire pregnancy, but it was during a time when you could still smoke in the hospital! Personally, I am a non smoker. I would not sit in a room filled with smokers puffing away. I would not allow children to sit in that same room. But I still just have to wonder how far we should take things with regards to Government intervention.
This is just one person’s thoughts. I am interested in what you think. Do you believe in third hand smoke? Is it as much of a threat as it is being made out to be? Where should we draw the line when it comes to Government intervention?
